Beete Haftey ......Haftey nahin bey! Maheeney

No new posts in the last eight weeks, and people have started thinking that I am married and now the only thing I could be going through at my end is - Ghar ka Kaam Kaaz, aur Shaam ko Biwi ki maar-kaat!

Nahin Nahin Girls! ...... dont run for the Phinyle Bottle.....or the Rat Poision.......I am still up for the grabs, and if you believe you are the lucky one who can afford this Indian Elephant......please go ahead and send in your nominations......

Last eight weeks, uff!.....I was as usual not working (= Working Hardly!)......and neither on a honeymoon trip.....or the 'videshi hyped' spiritual trip or backpacking.......was basically fooling around. In plain language its could be termed as Paid Honeymoon (nahin re! not the actual honeymoon).

Travelled almost entire length and bredth of India...stayed at home.....attended friends marriage parties.....(and ofcourse yaar, I did dance like a donky at each one of them. Sometimes I tried dancing on that Nagin theme song......but could never get the level of appreciation which I aspire for).

By the way I must tell that this is the marriage season in the Northern part of this nation, and seems the whole of India is shaking it hips........either to the tunes of the 'Nagin' theme or the 'Ye Desh Hai Veer Jawano Ka' ... I know, its difficult for you to believe that in a marriage why would someone even think of playing this patriotic song.......but try asking this question to any of the 'Shaadi Band Master' and you will get to hear that this particular patriotic song is a typical way of concluding the 'Baraat party ka waahiyaat Dance show' in the North of India....when people just thank god for having reached the place where they wanted to reach even after having drunk in quantity which could be measured only in buckets (per head).

[Added later : If you are feeling that I am only one who dances on Ye Desh Hai Veer Jawanon ka.....then read this post from one of my dear friend Nishchaya!]

See, even Karnataka CM, Mr BS Yediyurappa was receieved on the beats of this very song.....Ye Desh Hai Veer Jawaano Ka.....

But getting back to past eight weeks.........these are few of the recollections.......

- My parents, being fed up with my evergrowing desire to remain an Unmarried And Available Bachelor (not necessarily Deserving too), did persuade and pressurize me to tie knots sometime soon.........but you see I am a hopeless optimist.....I believe marriage is one thing where both parties suffer......and if the suffering could be delayed by a few more months or years, then why not!! So this season the shaadi-chase has been put off on a new kind of lucrative idea fuelled by my sheer ability to run-away from things........well, I would soon be moving off to a place far from the present locality of 'sasta-type ka unlimited STD' conversation country.......and this time for higher education........na to daily phone pe baat hogi, aur naa hin ye topic aayegaa......ab to week mein sirf ek baar hin baat karni hai....wo bhi sirf ees baare mein ki - Mummy! padhai ka bada tension hai....Mai to Fail Ho jaungaa .. please mere liye bhi thoda pray karna!

This is known as shifting the tension......Tension Lene ka Nahin..Dene Ka!

- Have you recently watched the Deodrant ads!!!! Yaar I believe Deodrants would soon be sold with a 'Condom Free' offer. I mean pick up any Deo in the market, and the only 'Sell-able' purpose of a Deo has reduced to just one thing - To Seduce a woman while you are passing-by. Or, if you one of those who is not interested kind of guy , or is unluckily a family-walla guy, then the deo will create such a sensation that the girl would herself get attracted to you just like a Dog would sense things in his case.

If above is what is the actual use of a deodrant, then I guess the smartest thing Govt of India can do is to make it compulsary to give-away Condoms for Free with every Deo bottle. The Number of Condoms to be given away could be decided upon by measuring the volume of the Deo being sold, and the kind of person who is buying it - I mean a Sales Guy would definitely need more number condoms per day because he is bound to meet a much larger number of females, as compared to a Software Guy (who would hardly meet one in weeks).

- Since parents insisted that I should meet at least a handful of the 'could be wife' girls shortlisted by my family members; and even after my absolute resistence to this very act of seeing someone and then asking some absolutely silly and meaningless questions and then expecting after an hour that I should answer in YES or NO that 'Will this girl be good as your wife?'.

I escaped the above for many many days, but once I HAD to, under certain emotional-atychar circumstances, to which I had drafted my own version of the discussion that I would have with the girl.....I chose to face questions instead of asking anything.....and gave the girl a complete advantage which was meant to be so called 'enjoyed' by the guys till date.

Without revealing much about what all I was asked by the lady.........all I can say that Girls concerns are still very very trivial and from the stone-age era.

On one side, girls believe that Kitchen part of life is something 'out of fashion'and it should be always left for someone else, living with guys parents around is something Very Difficult for a modern girl of this age, Mummy-ka-Beta category guy is 'oh! so boring', the girl should be never interrupted in her decisions esp when it would come to nukri and kid(s). And there are N other criteria which are of equal idiotic equivalence.

And on the other hand, Girls parents should always be sacrosanct, the guy should be financially capable to afford things [or else how would a 'naazo se pali' beti would survive], be it recession or anything for the rest of the world - The Guy must have his own house and a lambi waali car, if the guy is capable of cooking - well and good (or else, try learning it in the courtship period), and N*N other requirements (mostly dealing with the money and materialistic things).

Ofcourse, I am not in a position to afford such a pricy girl, and its better I am not!

- Lately, I have been coming back home from work, only after the Dogs take charge of the streets, and the security guard's whistles get milder.......the biggest fun of getting back at that time is that the whole friend-list believes that you are working hard.....and the thrill associated is that while travelling back you get an equally sleepy cab-driver.......who gives your blood a reason to show the signs of rush and sometimes a complete numbness while he tries to intersect two giant trucks at a speed where the blood seems to makes a desperate attempt for a way out of the vains.

I usually make it a point to sit in the front seat besides the cab driver, so that I may understand somewhat better body dynamics and eye movements while the Desi-Formula-One driver invents his method for the madness on the road ahead.

- Was recently travelling in train after a huge gap, and all I would say is that India is showing no signs of changes here........people still believe that the best way to kill time while travelling is to abuse a politician or a political party by the use of special words which would translate to certain body parts, and abuse multiplies in its intension and the intensity if there is a shower of words which has the hallowed 4 letter word (ofcourse in hindi) appended after words which absolutely describe the relation of a man with his mother, sister etc etc.

Trust me on this......India might be rising and shining and developing, but even now if we have to show our anger to someone the first thing we do is to - shower that person with the words hinted (OK!!! described) in the above lines.