Sirf Pyaar!!!! ... what a turn off boss!

Disclaimer: This post has been copied from another blog - The Boy in us ;) , so if you like it appreciate my copy-paste creativity, if you hate it...let it be! ;)

Are you in love? Ok, at least you think you are in love (from the symptoms which you have gathered after watching hundreds of bollywood movies). You consider yourself to be one of the worthy candidate to spend the rest of your life with the ones you have been dreaming about lately. Well, I blindly trust your love for the person, and I absolutely respect your emotions for the lucky person.

Ok. So you are in love. You have been day dreaming a lot, and you have been putting off all your desires and dreams to fit yourself into the life of ‘that’ person. You are also thinking of committing yourself to the relation and are committed to meet her expectations at any cost. Be it quitting smoking and drinking, or be it rash driving or even watching other girls. You are determined to give everything for this relation. I know you will! But is this enough? Well, Honestly….No!

Whether you are a guy or a girl, Whether you are a husband or a wife, whether you are into a promiscuous relationship or whether you are into a completely legal relationship. Whoever you are and whatever you do, keep it mind – Just Love is not enough, even if your feelings are religiously pure.

We human beings are so programmed that we need something extra. As in, if you go for your favourite food for which you have been craving since weeks, you need something extra at the same cost – say, the ambiance of the place or the friendliness of the waiter who serves the food. The food will taste equally good even if the ambiance is not so great or the waiters are not so friendly, but we just need something more. And the same applies to our relations as well – We just dont need only love.

Don’t believe me? Ok! Take another example. Once a professor of human behavior conducted a research on his ex-students. He invited a few of his ex-students for a discussion over tea. He started the discussion by asking about every one’s life after college. Each one of them had his own story to tell with a central issue – No one was enjoying life as much as they thought they would. In the mean time, the professor brought tea for them in a tray and asked the students to help themselves. Each of the students rose to the call, and started choosing the cup from the tray. The professor didn’t have a uniform design for the cups, instead he had kept varied cups which were totally mismatched from the rest. Students took time to choose their most preferred cup and then at the end of it they all came back and sat at their respective places to continue with the discussion. Professor at this moment chose to make his point to the cohort – “What would have changed had you picked up any random cup which came your way first, instead of you choosing some specific cup from the lot? We are here to have our discussion and enjoy the tea, how and where does the role of cup comes into play?” The point made was clear – Human nature wants something extra. Be it in the form anything. We are never satisfied with the crux of the matter, instead its always the garnishing which picks out attention more, even though it has no role at all in the crux of the matter.

Coming back to the issue of love. If you ever thought that its only love which will make you through, you are watching too many movies or reading too much fiction. All those who just loved, always failed. Always!

If you don’t know how to garnish your presentation, your love is as good as nothing. Trust me one this, love carries no value in itself – It’s one of those commodities whose supply is overshooting these days on every campus, every office and inside every boundary wall. Its as good as saying ‘Love You’ without a rose. or saying ‘Happy anniversary’ without a diamond ring. No body cares whether you are cheating or double timing when you girlfriend is away, what matters if that whether you can build a story where you are able to prove that you missed her so terribly that you tried cutting your veins but you couldn’t get a sharp enough razor. The person listening to all such stories is a complete fool, trust me he/she is a complete fool, you have to just try to sell your story. Its the story they are interested in, not your love. Love is cheap, everyone loves these days, they will get the moment they want.

So my dear friends, whoever you are, girl or a guy, a wife or a husband, it doesn’t matter whether you love the person sitting infront of you or not, whether you are cheating on her or not, whether you drank last night (against her wish), or whether you still went for that office party where boy-friend asked you not to go …. keep just one thing in mind, you have to garnish your story well, the person listening to your story is a complete fool, he would believe it if you present it properly. Yes, sometimes you might have to add the severely-emotional stuff to put flavours in it, but never under estimate its power – they will work!

There is a strong similarity between a person in a relation and a person watching a News channel. The core purpose is to get the news, but your duration of stay on that particular channel depends on how beautiful the anchor is or how deeply visible her cleavage is. That’s how much foolish our minds get while in a relationship, its not looking for the news anymore (which was the sole purpose why a person was watching the channel) instead it depends on the appearance of the anchor!

and if you wonder how and why I know all this? Well, I thought love is everything between two people and eventually I paid the price of my blasphemy. At least you guys and gals can take a lesson from here. Go learn garnishing. Good Luck!

Abbe Kutton! Ye Kya Kiya?

Disclaimer: Even if you remotely love Dogs......please dont read this one......after reading this page, your Dog might disown you......or you might die of heart-attack after listening to all the wrong-doings of your dog!

Last time when I posted here......I guess Salman was young and he was still busy with the filming of Andaaz Apna Apna,.....Aamir was not a big star, and he still believed that Award functions are supposed to be attended......Tendulkar used to miss his centuries every now and then......and Shoib Akhtar was still called as Rawalpindi Express.........and finally.....guess I used to be at least a year younger..... but who on this earth missed my blogs? I doubt any of the rational thinking human beings would have gone crying over that fact that they are not getting enough crap to read.....


Absenteeism reason, though I fairly believe that you would care more about the white shirt of the other guys and the ear-ring of some girl rather knowing the reason for my absenteeism, ranges from being busy with the slightly less ugly housemaid which I recently employed at my house, to, being pretending to work hard at one of the 'not-a-run-of-the-mill' B-Schools. (But I tell you sometimes it sounds niche to be talking about B-schools in your blog). And I tell you all this while I have been having a great time here in this country while studying in this institute........no more phone calls from all those managers, clients, mummy-papa, garg etc........bas din mein class attend karo........aur raat mein movie dekho....everyday! no more tension of going to office...reporting anyone....bas aish karo.... :) ... did you get a feel of the kind of B-School I am at?


But this being such a moment of the semester when I have to choose which way I need to go......either to become a topper or a second-topper......I am giving way to the inferior souls and let them work hard while I kill some time here (ok......that topper thing was a shameless lie). The actual reason is that I do not have anything left in my hard disk which could be considered worth watching......and those videos which are kept in the hidden folder have already lost the charm after I have discovered that my room-mate has an even more exotic and choicest collection.........looking for a moment when he gets over with his daily session with his hidden folder.


So having figured out that I have nothing better to do at this point in time let me talk for the rest of time with my pseudo-intellectual capacity and at the same time some capacity building for the class-participation for tomorrow. ya.....class-participation(CP) is one of those hallowed terms in this institute, which was originally meant to be constructive and fulfilling for the other students in the class......but lately it has been found that it's not the CP which has the maximum practitioners in any given batch, instead its the derived variants of CP which have more advocates and practitioners.......well some of the most hallowed variants are - D-CP...D for Desperate.......G-CP....Gas........BS-CP......ofcourse thats for Bull-Shit.......and the recent addition has been the A-CP......bole to...After-Class CP.......in the lingo of the place where I belong to, this term is more closer to the meaning of licking-off......god knows licking what.....but thats how it looks like.......


having talked of the CP...........its important for me to let you all know that till now I have been able to do a lot of Gas-CP........but I see there is a lot of competition from my class-mates to reach the bottom of the measurable quality......but in the true spirit of competition, I guess I will take on all those guys in times to come.....wait till the next class.


I know, you are either bored.....confused....tempting to put labels like 'idiot' or 'bakwaas', but chill.....I was just talking to myself convincing myself that how can I be one of the best Bull-Shitter in times to come......you know, actually the competition is so tough here that it leaves you nuts!


Anyway.......lets talk about some of the better things here...........Pool is one of the most fascinating things for me........actually it has always been fascinating to me.......but the most important part is that somehow or the other I am still maintaining the old tradition -- dive into the pool only after drinking.........I mean pour a few pegs into my mouth and the only place on this earth where I insist to visit is the nearest pool.......I mean, be it India......or anywhere else.......once a Pool lover, always a pool lover........huh! I am proud of myself.


Had I been in India this month, my manager would have probably committed suicide.......my clients would have started looking for a technology switch.....and my mother would have played all the past episodes of 'Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahut Thi' to revive the importance of married life in me.........I mean can you imagine, all my chaddi-friends have decided to marry in the month of Nov & Dec 2009.........my inbox looks more like the 'Happy customers speak' section of shaadi dot com!!!!!!! All have been shamelessly inviting me to their marriage, as if Katrina Kaif has left Salman for them.......Saalon! get ready for a mental assault equivalent to Himesh Reshammiyaa's 'Aye Huzooor.........Tera Tera Teraaaaaaaaaaaaaa Suroooooooorrrrr' .... Can you feel the music my dear friends?


And in the spirit of friendship....trust and brotherhood.......I am trying to remind you all 'now-married' friends.......remember how we used to be? Our life used to be much like those stray dog on the streets......itchy, barking at all the wrong hours of the day, but independent...self-indulgent....and Happy!......We drank and lived in houses where even the worst of the worst dog would never agree to stay, because we enjoyed each others company, and not the pleasure of the cozy houses.........we got stumped by even the silliest of the girls.....and we rejected even the best of lots, because we took pride in proving our worth to each other.......at the very thought of it, we left jobs because we wanted to go out that weekend....afterall we were independent souls (and, I still am!). Do you remember that line - 'abbe kuttey! abhi sone de! .... aaj office jaane ka mood nahin hai'.....and what about this one, while sitting in one of the malls - 'Aao Raani'...what about those bike races behind those slow kinetics or a scooty.........yaar tum saalon life ko miss karne waale ho.......because I tell you we belong to this very character known as - Kuttey! .....And we look better and happier only when living like Kuttey! and since I have never heard of a Shreef Kutta.....so how can you be one?


Khair......mujhe yakeen hai kutton.......ki tum saalon....kameeno.......shaadi ke baad bhi hamesha hin kuttey rahogey......kuttey humare naam ki pooja kartey firengey fir bhi humare jaise kameeney-kuttey nahin banegey!

haan haan jaa raha hoon

What if you have to move out of the city where you landed up staright from college and started your so called 'career', earned struggling salaries (in corporate paralance, peanuts) and got so many useless credit cards (by virtue of opening a new salary account), travelled in cheapest air-fares, paid thousands per annum to the auto-wallas and the 'dynamic' traffic police-walla, and paid at least a lakh ever year to the 'Bar & Resturant's of your area; Getting kicked out by the land-lord every 6 months, changing organizations at the very feeling that - This manager sucks!, and girls......O ya, I guess I did try my luck at a new girl every week,.....or if the girl was not new, I tried to have a recheck on my luck factor. (And do I need to tell that I have always failed.....guess not!)

I couldn't believe all this is going to end so soon, or at least will take a pause for a while (ok ok for many months to come). God know how you will feel if something similar happens to you, but this is what happened when I disclosed my feelings to the people during my so called 'parting meet', when I told them that I would be soon away from their eyes......

Non-Males : Do I know you? {me : <"Thank God! She doesn't know me"> }

Females : So What.....What do you expect me to do?

Female Friends : Good Luck! Keep trying you luck!

Female (more than) Friends : Dhokhebaaz.......F#$% Get Lost! I Hate you!

Eye Candies : Oh!! ..... Lets go for a movie/lunch/dinner/pub this weekend.

Fresher Colleagues : Sarsij Bhai....ab sutta maarne kaun le jaayegaa

Same Level Colleagues : What! You are changing company or what? Yaar mera bhi resume forward kara dena

Thoda senior Colleagues : Good......lekin plz ab jaldi hin shaadi kar le yaar.....dont torture yourself

Thoda Jyada Senior Colleagues : Going for higher studies!!!!! Do you get so much time to think about such things even after these many years? Meri shaadi to job ke 2nd year mein hin ho gayi thi.

Sabse Chota Manager : Haan , you should leave for the good of the team......waise bhi we should have kicked you long back.

Chota Manager : Oh good.....now at least I dont need to worry about a guy screwing up the whole project.

Bada Manager : Ya, I got to know that ..... so where from here? And why? Whats the use? Go join your father's business. [I tell you - Never ever tell anyone in your office that your father has a business]

Sabse Bada Manager : Sarsij! If you trust me.......you dont need any MBA......you only need a course in discipline......And if I were to do something for you - I would have FORCIBLY sent you to serve Army and that too at the bottom-most of the hierarchy! {God! Am I in India? No I just felt that I am in Korea or Israel}

And to all this I had just thing to say - Haan Haan Jaa Raha hoon......{You will know my value someday! }

And when I told the same to the guys I know......there were some obvious and well known answers.......eg, old class-mates said - saale daaru party de ke jaana, ...my flat-mate was happy to finally realize that he would be the whole & soul owner of the TV remote as well as a complete ownership of the internet bandwidth, ...my closest gang has started to abuse me because I have not been spending my last few days with them.......and quite possibly they could give me parting bumps, keeping in view the tradition to kick the ass at the very thought of something happening only once a year (eg B'day....new job.....engagement....shaadi......any other misc occassion like getting a new GF.....etc etc)

Well, for all those of you who still can't believe that I am going away from Bangalore, and will not see them for quite a long time, here is my final warning - Mai Sach mein jaa raha hoon......and in case I have some money/book/DVD/phone/etc to give you back please contact me at the earliest.....or else be prepared to blame me for no reasons.........however tall your claim might be, I wont be able to help you.

So guys help yourself........meet me, and recover whatever you have left at my disposal, because mai ..... ja raha hoon.......haan, haan sach mein jaa raha hoon!

Added Later:

The typical approach of an IT Guy towards office, work and other things in life

A typical day in an IT company (well, wish life could have been like this everywhere :) )

A funny video trying to present a typical habit of girls in an organization :)