Abbe Kutton! Ye Kya Kiya?

Disclaimer: Even if you remotely love Dogs......please dont read this one......after reading this page, your Dog might disown you......or you might die of heart-attack after listening to all the wrong-doings of your dog!

Last time when I posted here......I guess Salman was young and he was still busy with the filming of Andaaz Apna Apna,.....Aamir was not a big star, and he still believed that Award functions are supposed to be attended......Tendulkar used to miss his centuries every now and then......and Shoib Akhtar was still called as Rawalpindi Express.........and finally.....guess I used to be at least a year younger..... but who on this earth missed my blogs? I doubt any of the rational thinking human beings would have gone crying over that fact that they are not getting enough crap to read.....


Absenteeism reason, though I fairly believe that you would care more about the white shirt of the other guys and the ear-ring of some girl rather knowing the reason for my absenteeism, ranges from being busy with the slightly less ugly housemaid which I recently employed at my house, to, being pretending to work hard at one of the 'not-a-run-of-the-mill' B-Schools. (But I tell you sometimes it sounds niche to be talking about B-schools in your blog). And I tell you all this while I have been having a great time here in this country while studying in this institute........no more phone calls from all those managers, clients, mummy-papa, garg etc........bas din mein class attend karo........aur raat mein movie dekho....everyday! no more tension of going to office...reporting anyone....bas aish karo.... :) ... did you get a feel of the kind of B-School I am at?


But this being such a moment of the semester when I have to choose which way I need to go......either to become a topper or a second-topper......I am giving way to the inferior souls and let them work hard while I kill some time here (ok......that topper thing was a shameless lie). The actual reason is that I do not have anything left in my hard disk which could be considered worth watching......and those videos which are kept in the hidden folder have already lost the charm after I have discovered that my room-mate has an even more exotic and choicest collection.........looking for a moment when he gets over with his daily session with his hidden folder.


So having figured out that I have nothing better to do at this point in time let me talk for the rest of time with my pseudo-intellectual capacity and at the same time some capacity building for the class-participation for tomorrow. ya.....class-participation(CP) is one of those hallowed terms in this institute, which was originally meant to be constructive and fulfilling for the other students in the class......but lately it has been found that it's not the CP which has the maximum practitioners in any given batch, instead its the derived variants of CP which have more advocates and practitioners.......well some of the most hallowed variants are - D-CP...D for Desperate.......G-CP....Gas........BS-CP......ofcourse thats for Bull-Shit.......and the recent addition has been the A-CP......bole to...After-Class CP.......in the lingo of the place where I belong to, this term is more closer to the meaning of licking-off......god knows licking what.....but thats how it looks like.......


having talked of the CP...........its important for me to let you all know that till now I have been able to do a lot of Gas-CP........but I see there is a lot of competition from my class-mates to reach the bottom of the measurable quality......but in the true spirit of competition, I guess I will take on all those guys in times to come.....wait till the next class.


I know, you are either bored.....confused....tempting to put labels like 'idiot' or 'bakwaas', but chill.....I was just talking to myself convincing myself that how can I be one of the best Bull-Shitter in times to come......you know, actually the competition is so tough here that it leaves you nuts!


Anyway.......lets talk about some of the better things here...........Pool is one of the most fascinating things for me........actually it has always been fascinating to me.......but the most important part is that somehow or the other I am still maintaining the old tradition -- dive into the pool only after drinking.........I mean pour a few pegs into my mouth and the only place on this earth where I insist to visit is the nearest pool.......I mean, be it India......or anywhere else.......once a Pool lover, always a pool lover........huh! I am proud of myself.


Had I been in India this month, my manager would have probably committed suicide.......my clients would have started looking for a technology switch.....and my mother would have played all the past episodes of 'Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahut Thi' to revive the importance of married life in me.........I mean can you imagine, all my chaddi-friends have decided to marry in the month of Nov & Dec 2009.........my inbox looks more like the 'Happy customers speak' section of shaadi dot com!!!!!!! All have been shamelessly inviting me to their marriage, as if Katrina Kaif has left Salman for them.......Saalon! get ready for a mental assault equivalent to Himesh Reshammiyaa's 'Aye Huzooor.........Tera Tera Teraaaaaaaaaaaaaa Suroooooooorrrrr' .... Can you feel the music my dear friends?


And in the spirit of friendship....trust and brotherhood.......I am trying to remind you all 'now-married' friends.......remember how we used to be? Our life used to be much like those stray dog on the streets......itchy, barking at all the wrong hours of the day, but independent...self-indulgent....and Happy!......We drank and lived in houses where even the worst of the worst dog would never agree to stay, because we enjoyed each others company, and not the pleasure of the cozy houses.........we got stumped by even the silliest of the girls.....and we rejected even the best of lots, because we took pride in proving our worth to each other.......at the very thought of it, we left jobs because we wanted to go out that weekend....afterall we were independent souls (and, I still am!). Do you remember that line - 'abbe kuttey! abhi sone de! .... aaj office jaane ka mood nahin hai'.....and what about this one, while sitting in one of the malls - 'Aao Raani'...what about those bike races behind those slow kinetics or a scooty.........yaar tum saalon life ko miss karne waale ho.......because I tell you we belong to this very character known as - Kuttey! .....And we look better and happier only when living like Kuttey! and since I have never heard of a Shreef Kutta.....so how can you be one?


Khair......mujhe yakeen hai kutton.......ki tum saalon....kameeno.......shaadi ke baad bhi hamesha hin kuttey rahogey......kuttey humare naam ki pooja kartey firengey fir bhi humare jaise kameeney-kuttey nahin banegey!

haan haan jaa raha hoon

What if you have to move out of the city where you landed up staright from college and started your so called 'career', earned struggling salaries (in corporate paralance, peanuts) and got so many useless credit cards (by virtue of opening a new salary account), travelled in cheapest air-fares, paid thousands per annum to the auto-wallas and the 'dynamic' traffic police-walla, and paid at least a lakh ever year to the 'Bar & Resturant's of your area; Getting kicked out by the land-lord every 6 months, changing organizations at the very feeling that - This manager sucks!, and girls......O ya, I guess I did try my luck at a new girl every week,.....or if the girl was not new, I tried to have a recheck on my luck factor. (And do I need to tell that I have always failed.....guess not!)

I couldn't believe all this is going to end so soon, or at least will take a pause for a while (ok ok for many months to come). God know how you will feel if something similar happens to you, but this is what happened when I disclosed my feelings to the people during my so called 'parting meet', when I told them that I would be soon away from their eyes......

Non-Males : Do I know you? {me : <"Thank God! She doesn't know me"> }

Females : So What.....What do you expect me to do?

Female Friends : Good Luck! Keep trying you luck!

Female (more than) Friends : Dhokhebaaz.......F#$% Get Lost! I Hate you!

Eye Candies : Oh!! ..... Lets go for a movie/lunch/dinner/pub this weekend.

Fresher Colleagues : Sarsij Bhai....ab sutta maarne kaun le jaayegaa

Same Level Colleagues : What! You are changing company or what? Yaar mera bhi resume forward kara dena

Thoda senior Colleagues : Good......lekin plz ab jaldi hin shaadi kar le yaar.....dont torture yourself

Thoda Jyada Senior Colleagues : Going for higher studies!!!!! Do you get so much time to think about such things even after these many years? Meri shaadi to job ke 2nd year mein hin ho gayi thi.

Sabse Chota Manager : Haan , you should leave for the good of the team......waise bhi we should have kicked you long back.

Chota Manager : Oh good.....now at least I dont need to worry about a guy screwing up the whole project.

Bada Manager : Ya, I got to know that ..... so where from here? And why? Whats the use? Go join your father's business. [I tell you - Never ever tell anyone in your office that your father has a business]

Sabse Bada Manager : Sarsij! If you trust me.......you dont need any MBA......you only need a course in discipline......And if I were to do something for you - I would have FORCIBLY sent you to serve Army and that too at the bottom-most of the hierarchy! {God! Am I in India? No I just felt that I am in Korea or Israel}

And to all this I had just thing to say - Haan Haan Jaa Raha hoon......{You will know my value someday! }

And when I told the same to the guys I know......there were some obvious and well known answers.......eg, old class-mates said - saale daaru party de ke jaana, ...my flat-mate was happy to finally realize that he would be the whole & soul owner of the TV remote as well as a complete ownership of the internet bandwidth, ...my closest gang has started to abuse me because I have not been spending my last few days with them.......and quite possibly they could give me parting bumps, keeping in view the tradition to kick the ass at the very thought of something happening only once a year (eg B'day....new job.....engagement....shaadi......any other misc occassion like getting a new GF.....etc etc)

Well, for all those of you who still can't believe that I am going away from Bangalore, and will not see them for quite a long time, here is my final warning - Mai Sach mein jaa raha hoon......and in case I have some money/book/DVD/phone/etc to give you back please contact me at the earliest.....or else be prepared to blame me for no reasons.........however tall your claim might be, I wont be able to help you.

So guys help yourself........meet me, and recover whatever you have left at my disposal, because mai ..... ja raha hoon.......haan, haan sach mein jaa raha hoon!

Added Later:

The typical approach of an IT Guy towards office, work and other things in life

A typical day in an IT company (well, wish life could have been like this everywhere :) )

A funny video trying to present a typical habit of girls in an organization :)

ek dum fresh

ek dum fresh bole to.....ek-dum aaj ka experience hai......

Today I was travelling in the Indian Airlines/Air-India/Indian flights........and I must say.......after the opening up of the Indian skies for the private players, it was my second trip in the Indian Airlines plane(s). Needless to mention that the high point of all my air-journies have been the air-hostess. [Air-Hostess is one topic on which I believe I have gathered a whole lot of information, and if someday I try my hand at business, I would probably open a Air-Hostess training academy. (arre bhai ... already there are thousands of institutes for Engineering, Medical and MBA, so this remains to be the only logical avenue)].

Hitharto unknown, I saw a new face of the Air-Hostess fraternity, courtesy......Air-India/Indian-Airlines........

Eversince I was a kid I had a huge fascination for the air-journies, and I guess it was year 1991 when I boarded my first flight from Ranchi to Delhi (which had nothing less than 3 stops en-route : Patna, Gorkhpur and Lucknow), for the first time I saw the air-hostess aunty, who was not only serving the food, but also cleaing the place, and at the same time was also capable of speaking english which remained undecipherable to me and my entire family on board. If nothing else, I was at least amused to see those english speaking aunties.

And today after 18+ years after that first air-journey I guess there was just one difference in the whole scene - those english speaking aunties have grown up by 18 more years, and nothing else has changed. Looks as if Air-India or Indian-Airlines has decided that they will continue with these aunties until they cry and beg for their release from such a job which is meant to be done by dynamic young girls.

On one side we have Mallaya saab.....who claims to have hand-picked those red coloured butterflies for his guests in his Kingfisher arena, and on one side we have these sari-clad women who are showing no signs life while on board. The public announcement appeared more as a formality rather than informative, and the service was as lifeless as Rahul Dravid in the 45th over. Female crew-members were either over-aged or absolutely useless.

The smile which you get while boarding and the see-off are ofcourse plastic and un-natural in all the flights, but it was slightly ironic to see the complete absence of the same in this case, and it did raise some questions in my mind - Are these ladies/aunties are not paid enough to be smiling on their duty? Or are they facing the same which Jet Airways did to its employees few months back? God knows whats the actual reason.

If I were to draw a parallel between the kind of service I got to the kind of job I am required to do in my day-to-day work, it will be something like this one - While attending the conf-call with the clients I give all the status report, explain them the technical details of the work done, and at the end I say 'Please dont call me again, because I am not enjoying my work'. Ironical and disgusting!

Well, all was not that bad in the flight.....there was definitely a high point during the journey. A co-passanger was quite a known personality and it was pleasing to see that such a towering person maintained such a low-profile during the whole journey. Rajiv Pratap Rudy, the man is a politician of Bihar and can be always seen on TV during this election season. I got a chance to talk to him for quite some time and it was a pleasure to realise that he entertained a common man like me even though he was quite busy with own work.

In past I have seen and met many other towering personalities (and mostly on flights or the air-ports), and have seen the kind of distance they maintain and the air they create around themselves. (By the way, while I was travelling for the first time in air I got a chance to shake hands with Mr Jagannath Mishra, the ex-CM of Bihar, courtesy....Papa, or else how do you expect me to recognize the ex-CM of Bihar at that age?? Later I met many more like Lalu Prasad Yadav, Nitish Kumar, etc etc).

Coming back to the flights and air-hostess, and adding a new angle to the story with the politicians travelling in the Indian Airlines flights, how many of you know that Ram Vilas Paswan (yet another big personality of Bihar Politics) has married a Air-Hostess, the affair started while in the air and it ultimately resulted into the marriage of two domains - Politicians and Air-Hostesses. God knows how many more politicians followed the foot-prints of this politician, but it is certain that Indian Airlines didn't like the attrition which came as a consequence of the 'love, while in the air' and hence it took the most stringent effort by not recruting the new and young staff members and hence save the young politicians like Rahul and Varun Gandhi from falling (in love) while in the air.

Added later : See Mallaya saab is again saying that he has handpicked his crew members.....